Ever had one of those days? Weeks? Times when you want to throw in the towel, scream at the top of your lungs, or take off running down the street just to get away.
I am sure that we have all been there, but most of us swallow it down and keep moving forward. Whether it's just that we don't have time for a mommy melt down or that we are afraid of what people will think or say if they see a hint of our motherly weakness, it is hard for most mom's to open up, let it out and most terrifyingly...to accept help.
This is my personal invitation and endorsement to fall apart. Take a few minutes, or take an hour. However and wherever, it is okay to let go and lose it. Scream, cry, or hit a pillow. Call a friend and tell her that you need five minutes of listening time to just wail or complain.
When each of us left the hospital with our sweet newborn bundles, we also carried with us a membership card into a great circle of women who have experienced the high, lows, fears, and joys of motherhood. Most of us won't judge you for wearing your pajama pants to run car pool because the baby was up all night with a fever, or for feeling total dislike for your child, whose body must have been invaded by an alien, causing them to wreak havoc on your house, your nerves and your sanity. This past week has shown me how truly lucky I am to have such a strong group of mothers to turn to.
During our recent stay at the hospital after an anaphylatic reaction I held it together, I was pillar. I pinned my child down as they stabbed him with the epi pen, whispered to him as they put in his IV, and so on. I held it together in the face of this (and warning that the below image just might break your heart.)
Texts and phone calls came in from friends and family to check on my Monk and me, to which I responded that we were fine, that I was fine. At the time I really meant it. After 30 hours in the hospital we finally got to come home and Monk and I went straight to sleep. When I woke up from my nap I immediately got in the shower and no sooner than the first drop of water hit me, I fell apart. I couldn't stop sobbing and wailing.
So I contacted a friend, told her I was a mess, cried on the phone when another called, sat with a third who came over for a while and listened, and genuinely smiled when another brought me ice cream, just because she wanted to see me smile.
The first friend told me that what I had experienced was referred to as let-down. It is one way in which our bodies reacted to trauma where the emotions come after it is all over. Of course I let-down over and over during the course of the next two days, but I finally got most of it out, and now I can type this blog without fear of water-logging my keyboard. It made me feel better, not weak or silly, or crazy.
So beyond giving you permission to cry (and cry ugly if you can), I also want to give you my thanks. Thanks to all of the moms out there who take the time to help their fellow moms, especially to all of my wonderful friends who took the time to send messages, phone calls, and prayers our way. I promise to pay it forward.
And so that I don't leave with you such a sad image, here is my sweet Monk all better and happy as a lark.
So I contacted a friend, told her I was a mess, cried on the phone when another called, sat with a third who came over for a while and listened, and genuinely smiled when another brought me ice cream, just because she wanted to see me smile.
The first friend told me that what I had experienced was referred to as let-down. It is one way in which our bodies reacted to trauma where the emotions come after it is all over. Of course I let-down over and over during the course of the next two days, but I finally got most of it out, and now I can type this blog without fear of water-logging my keyboard. It made me feel better, not weak or silly, or crazy.
So beyond giving you permission to cry (and cry ugly if you can), I also want to give you my thanks. Thanks to all of the moms out there who take the time to help their fellow moms, especially to all of my wonderful friends who took the time to send messages, phone calls, and prayers our way. I promise to pay it forward.
And so that I don't leave with you such a sad image, here is my sweet Monk all better and happy as a lark.
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