And....We pulled the trigger

For the past few months a part of our life has been sitting in limbo.  W's daycare, while an absolutely wonderful place for our older daughter to spend her formative years, was just not equipped to deal with our string of ever growing allergies.  Basically, the rest of our daycare (and the PK - 8th school with which they share a chef) would have to go completely egg-free, peanut-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, and so on, in order to ensure that reactions wouldn't happen and even then it wouldn't guarantee anything.  While accommodations were being made to help control reactions, they just weren't enough and we found ourselves dealing with mystery reactions.

Conversations started a few months ago within our family about whether or not he would be able to stay in daycare.  What would they feed him? How would they ensure that he didn't eat other children's food? or What if another kids ate eggs and then put their mouth on a toy right before W? In the back of my mind, the big daycare question loomed like a ticking time bomb. How many reactions would I be comfortable with him having before I pull him? After much thought, debate, worry, indecisiveness (you get the picture) we decided that W would need to leave his daycare setting and stay home.

Growing Up and Out
I clearly remember going into our first allergist when W was 5 months old and being told that once W was past a year that he would likely have grown out of his egg allergy and be on the path to food normalcy. Well we obviously aren't there, and in fact, the new food allergies (like our most recent tree nut diagnosis) keep coming, bringing the list to now 19 allergies.

So instead of growing up and growing out of our allergies, we are still on the upward climb of this bell curve. In saying that, I do know that there is a downwards slope somewhere on the other side of this mountain.  We will get there and hopefully careen down that hill, laughing all the way (Ho Ho Ho).

A New Reality
The new reality for us at this juncture is that a daycare setting is just not going to be possible for W.  What he needs is an allergy-free environment and for now that can only be found in our home.  This decision was a long time in the making, and certainly wasn't decided without much back and forth, doubt and tears.

I went in to tell the director of the daycare our decision to pull W from the daycare and keep him at home.  I felt like I was quitting something, or even worse, telling them that I didn't trust that they could keep my child safe.  In truth, there are days when I worry that I can't keep him safe myself (back into the bubble!)  They understood and like us, knew that this was likely going to be an eventual outcome.

I am so sad to say goodbye to those that cared for W like he was their own, who looked so scared when he had a reaction but smiled when he took his first steps, and whose faces fell every time I had to alert them to a new allergy but found joy with me when a new food was successful.

Looking to the Future
I made the mistake of clicking on this link and I wish I hadn't.  In my head I see W running down the breezeway of the same school as his older brother and sister, happy and having grown out of some of his allergies. Obviously there are still some children in this world for whom that is not possible.

I try hard not to think about what the future will hold for us and for W's allergies; what God's plan is.  Right now it is easier to take things one day at a time, knowing that we will likely come across new bumps in the road or at other times find easier answers to questions of caring for our sweet boy.

For now he will be cared for by some of the most caring people in his life. People whose desire to keep him healthy is only outweighed by mine. And although its just temporary until we find ourselves on our feet again, there is no better place for a grandchild than in his grandparent's arms.

W with his Grams